I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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