so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
