I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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