Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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