I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
