After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
