she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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