I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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