It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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