I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
