There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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