the condom got lost in my hair
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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