All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
