so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't notice because vodka
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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