she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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