my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
