I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
