Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
