Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
