If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
