somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
