she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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