grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
