I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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