My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
