It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
