Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
