so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
