It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Randomize
