Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
