I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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