did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
whose parrot is this?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
