Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
