I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
