Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
