Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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