Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
