I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
