im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
