Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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