how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
