The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
