either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he was CRYING into my vagina
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
