why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
