Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Randomize
