How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I don't deserve a penis
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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