I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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