I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My ATM looks so different sober.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
