Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
