Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
