If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
