i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
