living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
